Kenpachi Masamune

When the winds blow cold, (cliche) I think of the warm day we met... (cliche) When the fire warms me, (good) I think of your love warming my heart... (cliche) ...

Haha that was actually funny, and this does belong right in narrative poetry. One of the better examples in fact. But I must point out a teeny tiny flaw. "Love ...

*wonders how the above post even counts as a review* ^-^;;;; Well...let me give you one. I can't sleep. I can't think. I don't know what to do. I sit ...

It works, but this use of 'heav'nly' and 'shan't' seem out of place because it is only in those lines you take the old accented speech.The pattern of rhyming breaks ...

I don't see simile in here, the metaphor is really just lackluster and stapled to your 2nd stanza like that is all you need. If this is for homework, I'd ...

I was all mouth at first- A fleshy ring of anxious need- Insatiable. (Doesn't work too well) I hatched a belly to gorge (Again with hunger, if you eat you ...

Excuse my ignorance, dear sirs, (Only Marx will probably not take offense, and he's gone) Didn't know you couldn't handle the truth. (Doesn't make sense. 'Didn't you know'?) It's not ...

I'm siding with Gadi on this one. It seemed more like an experiment then an actual poem. You basically broke all the formating structures with your second line and continued ...

Kitty's changes were good, it helped make the poem more powerful, but at the cost of basically changing the form and innocent purity of the original. "It wasn’t the best ...

I dreamed of love, once - (Good) The loved one killed herself ('loved one' sounds awkward) I dreamed of Princesses (Princesses....how about single? Mr. Lech) They were dead, a knife ...

Definitely put it into poetry format, it would work good and not run on like a regular monologue. Though as for actual poetic value, it seems to be not unlike ...

Unusual, but good. Was a little freaky and rather disturbing to see that much detail over a piece of fruit only to be summed up as 'bloody apple'. It was ...

I don't get why this in fan fiction either, the description sounds more like a personal event that inspired the poetry rather then any existing work. Perhaps it should be ...

Someone has an anger problem...jeeze. Don't you think you over did it just a little bit with that whole anger bit? Was beyond short-tempered and just plain unrealistic to have ...

1dering at stars made a lot of the notes I would have pointed out, so I'll keep this short. The structure you had at first followed pretty well, but then ...